Libro: i cinque linguaggi dell’amore

Un rapporto  felice è un rapporto in tutti e due i partner si sentono speciali, apprezzati e amati dall’ altro.
Purtroppo, una volta svanito l’innamoramento, in molti rapporti si crea una crescente distanza emotiva: uno o entrambi i partner si sentono trascurati, dati per scontati, non accettati..in altre parole non amati.
La ragione per cui molti rapporti entrano in crisi, dopo l’idillio iniziale, è la mancanza di comprensione delle esigenze emotive del partner: ciascuno dei due tende a concentrarsi sulle proprie aspettative deluse, dimenticando di chiedersi che cosa può rendere felice l’ altro.
Le ricerche sulla terapia di coppia hanno evidenziato come nelle coppie in crisi entrambi  membri della coppia sono convinti di dare tantissimo e di ricevere in cambio poco o niente.
Il problema che spesso si dà senza tenere conto dei veri bisogni dell’ altro, perciò i propri gesti non vengono riconosciuti e apprezzati.  
Per fare un esempio banale , un marito che lavora sodo per garantire un sereno avvvenire alla sua famiglia e non capisce che la moglie preferirebbe un tenore di vita più modesto ma un marito più presente e più affettuoso, oppure una moglie che tiene la casa alla perfezione ma che la sera  è troppo stanca per fare l’amore con il proprio coniuge. 
Secondo l’autore  ( un noto terapeuta di coppia) ogni persona ha un modo particolare di esprimere il proprio amore e dei bisogni particolari che devono essere soddisfatti per sentirsi amata.
L’autore sostiene infatti che esistono cinque modi per dire ” ti amo”, cinque “linguaggi dell’amore ” ovvero cinque modalità  comportamentali diverse per esprimere il proprio amore.
Il problema è che molti rapporti falliscono perchè i due partners parlano lingue diverse!
I linguaggi sarebbero:
1) Le parole di apprezzamento. Quando questo è il linguaggio principale, la persona per sentirsi amata ha bisogno di sentirselo dire esplicitamente. Chi ha questo bisogno principale necessita di molte lodi, di rassicurazioni verbali, complimenti, sms carini, telefonate dolci e tanto dialogo. Le critiche, i silenzi, il sarcasmo sono particolarmente penosi se questo è il linguaggio speciale dell’amore.
2) Momenti speciali. Quando questo è il linguaggio principale, la persona per sentirsi amata ha bisogno di condividere delle attività interessanti con il partner, ha bisogno di condividere con il partner i propri hobby, di fare delle cose speciali insieme. Un partner pantofolaio o che non vuole condividere gli interessi risulta particolarmente ostico per chi ha questo linguaggio dell’amore.
3) I doni. Per sentirsi amato chi ha questo bisogno affettivo principale ha bisogno di un segno tangibile d’amore, un pensierino, un regalino, un fiore, un cioccolatino.  Per chi ha questo bisogno affettivo principale è particolarmente doloroso avere un partner che scorda compleanni e anniversari, che non fa mai un pensierino, che non sorprende,regalando un fiore.
4) Il contatto fisico.  Quando questo è il linguaggio d’amore principale, la persona per sentirsi amata ha bisogno di coccole, contatto fisico e frequenti rapporti sessuali. Un partner poco affettuoso,o a cui il sesso interessa poco può creare profonde crisi nella coppia. 
5) I gesti di servizio. Quando questo è il linguaggio d’amore principale, la persona ha bisogno che l’ altro gli dimostri il suo amore facendo dei gesti concreti ( esempio preparando la cena), condividendo i doveri, essendo disposto a dare una mano quando c’è bisogno. Piccoli gesti di servizio, piccole gentilezze possono significare più di cento rose rosse per chi ha questo linguaggio dell’amore!
E quando come spesso capita, i due partners hanno linguaggi dell’amore diversi ( ovvero bisogni emotivi diversi?). La soluzione, secondo l’autore è semplice: basta imparare a parlare la lingua del partner ovvero a capire quali sono le esigenze di base del partner e soddisfarle e imparare a comunicare al partner i propri bisogni.
Cosi facendo è possibile ritrovare l’armonia e l’intesa perduta.

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By | 2016-06-01T14:15:19+00:00 20 dicembre 2011|Libri di Psicologia, Affettività e sessualità|0 Comments

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